Psycho for Psycho
by FunnyWolf
Summary: The world's greatest detective, L, even has his own troubles understanding Kira's morals. In order to solve this madness, he contacts the ever-haunting memory known as BB. However, even one like himself can't even understand their reason for being born. Now all must suffer the torture called B and Rogon. Obviously since it's stupid, it has an OC in it.


**Psycho for Psycho**

**Prologue**

**Genre: Humor/Crime**

**Rated: K+**

**Language: English**

**Main Character(s): Beyond Birthday & OC**

**Supporting Characters(s): Watari**

**Status: In Progress**

**Author's Note:**

**Hello, Death Note Fandom! It is I, the one who made you rethink everything about all your characters and for some, about your life. If you have no clue for I am, well prepare to be laughing throughout the rest of your anime life. This is the remake of the story Psycho for Psycho, since it will not leave me alone.**

* * *

"I OBJECT!" A hand, so small and harmless, slammed into the desk. His armsleeve swished in tempo with his heartbeat. A trickle of sweat beat off his neck into his tie. One visible eye stared dead on into the eyes of a dead, cold judge.

How DARE this man stand where Justice stood! Why was this world so cruel and filled with greed? _"There's a hole in the world like a big black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with poo. And the vermin of the world inhabitat it…"_  
_-Sweeney Todd 2005_

Yes, you are positive that Johnny Depp had said this. There is no denying this glourious man had sang these words.

"Mr. Hunter," The Judge spat in an all-too familiar voice that sent chills down everyone's spine. "You are out of term. The offense has not even spoke." Judge Alan reviewed the scruffy lawyer. "Are you even qualified to be a lawyer?"

"Oh, you. You don't have to qualify anything to throw anyone in jail." Hunter giggled. "For example… THAT GUY SHOULD GO TO JAIL!"

The one that was pointed to rose a brow. He was the offense, a man with a computer. Judge Alan gave Hunter a look of confusion.

"JUST LOOK AT HIM!" Hunter cried in desperation. "A brown trenchcoat, a top hat, a computer with a letter on it, BEING OLD. He's bound to have done SOMETHING!"

"Despite how exagratted it sounds," A voice commented. "That's quite reasonable."

The voice was the one who was trailed for murder. His hair was like raven feathers and smelt of soot. Burn marks were covering his neck to underneath his eye' the remaining skin pale as snow. Back to his eye, it was tinted a shade of red like the "jam" on his ash-covered clothing.

"Says the one with red all over." The Court of Justice muttered. The supposed murderer popped a jam-covered finger into his mouth.

"I heard that." The murderer sniffled. Suddenly, the offense's computer flashed open.

"I have done background on this Hunter." The artificial voice spoke. "There is no evidence nor records on him ever qualifying for such a job."

"B… But I was going to go back to school," Hunter attempted to counter, "But it was too hard."

"And being a lawyer isn't?"

"Yeah, it is! Because all I have to do is throw someone in jail under false accusations and take all their worth!"

"…" L ignored the grammar error. "Mr. Hunter, that's not a lawyer."

"Look at me give a poo!" Hunter screamed, using the lude language 'poo.'

BB corrected him. "It can't. It's a computer."

"Shut up! The reason I didn't finish middle school was because B tried to kill me before I could!"

The court went silent. Judge Alan's mouth went agape, shocked at the new evidence against Beyond. His lawyer was a victim? How absurd! He snapped back into reality, slamming his hammer of death onto the table.

"Send him away!" The Judge commanded. "May the Lord have mercy on your soul…"

Hunter yelped as men in darkish gray uniforms dragged BB away. The Canadian-French teenager got on her knees. How dare justice defy him? How dare they? Why, Kira (foreshadowing), why? Hunter looked up at the heavens in angst.

"Curse you, old man. Curse you!" And the sad, strange, little man was dragged from the scene in all his moronic attorney glory.

** xxXxx**

Logan N. Hunter, soon to be known as Rogon N. Hanta, peered around the lockdown fortress of confinement. His hands touched the prickly leaves of the bushes. His eyes shifted side-to-side behind his war paint. Slowly, he emerged in a fullblown, legit Metal Gear Sonic Snakeoutfit. The ex-lawyer looked at the guards around the prison. He giggled.

"I have you now." Lifting up a barrel, Logan put said barrel put it on himself and began… singing? What the-?

"Do dodo do do do do do dodododo dodo do do, I am so, so, flipping sneaky. I'm to save Beyond Birthday. I am sure that there is no-no-no consequences. This is obviously not a prologue to-to-to a future story. This will not become an AU. What is even that, I do not know."

Meanwhile, two anonymous guards began conversing. Slowly, one of the duo slowly put on a Santa hat.

"I just realized that unknown tune is a Christmas song."

"Which one?"

"I'm not telling."

"… You're a facebutt."

** xxXxx**

_Dear L,_

_You're pretty smug, aren't you? Well, don't be. You were lucky. That's probably what everyone thinks your "alias" means. Luck. And today was luck. If my partner in crime was like he used to be, you would have no evidence. Your evidence is proof only you know. Even if you are L, no one would believe a "when I was little" tale. I have the eyes. I know when you're bound to die and everyone else too. You need me._

_Yours Truly,_

_B-_

"BB!" A voice screamed from inside the cell. "Stop writing love letters to L Lollipop and let's go!"

BB turned to his friend and cracked a smile. "Sometimes, it's a good thing you're stupid."

** xxXxx**

"I am a great soldier of prison! I'm focused on my mission; FOCUSED on my duty! To protect this prison from ANY who dare to leave! For I am Kira, I am a SOLDIER of this isolation and I am forever focused- FOCUSED on everything I do. Everything I will have! I focus on it, for I cannot be distracted. I am forever focused on EVERYTHING without distraction!"

BB grabbed a pistol and shot him.

"AH! MY DISTRACTING BLOOD THAT IS SO UNFOCUSED! How distracting!"

** xxXxx **

Watari sighed as he drove the two bestest friwnds forevarz to their new home, the Wammy's. Sighing louder in distress, the old man turned the slim black limo, the sound of idiots and moron filling his ears. Why was he forced to do the worst of L's tasks.

"Ding, dong." Logan outbursted.

"Hello?" BB asked the invisble door.

Silence.

"Ding, dong."

"H-Hello?" BB turned the wrong way, facing the window.

"… Knock, knock." Logan grinned. BB turned around, his smile wider and more deranged.

"Who's there?"

"What's minty and furry?" Logan giggled. BB snickered in atapation.

"I don't know, what?"

"A polar bear." Watari stopped the car in a great halt. He never had felt so enraged in his life. It was the cheesiest, most upsetting attempt at a joke he had ever heard. Slowly, he began to reply to his phone call to L.

"L, did you h-?"

"Just send them to the Los Angeles Asylum where people like them belong." He ordered.

** xxXxx**

_Los Angeles Mental Institution: Two Years Later_

"Let's gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! And if you say we can't sing it faster than you're wrong. It'll help if you just sing along!"

"Bum. Bum. Bummmmmmmm." Beyond sang in a low key.

"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG. C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG. IT'LL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONG. BB!"

"SONG! C-A-M-P- SONG!"

"FLUFFY!"

Silence.

"Good!"

"It'll helllppp. It'll hheeeeeellllp! If you just sing ALOOOOONNNNG! OH YEAH!" Rogon threw his guitar with his feet and the doctor glared.

"stop breaking the guitars damn you!"

"SONG!" BB shrieked, throwing a drum over Rogon's head.

"ARGH!" He banged his head. "THAT'S IT! GET THE STRAIT JACKETS!"


End file.
